Cloudy WIth a Chance of Hope

I sat there, listening to music, realizing that the last three years of my life had been wasted... I had pushed my friends aside, put my dreams on hold and committed myself to loving a man who was not worthy of my time, my attention, my heart. Was I a fool? Was I a stupid girl? Or had I just tried too hard to be something that I am not? Either way, I was sitting there, alone, thinking to myself. Answering to myself... Wishing I could turn back time and take my life back....

But, I couldn't turn back time and the very place I had been trying to avoid was right in my face. I had been trying to make a relationship work, because I didn't want to start all over. I didn't want to get to know someone all over again. It just seemed like less work to work the kinks out of someone I already knew. But I didn't know him much more than I knew Elvis. And the things I knew about him weren't even appealing. I had created this image in my head. There was this ideal man that I knew I wanted. He would be at least 6'3", 220lbs., light skinned, athletic, business minded (a hustla), great with kids, and among many other things, 100% supportive of my dreams. Yep, there's a frickin list. This guy, this dude I had spent three years pouring myself into, was NOT that. He was nowhere near supportive. We were headed in two different directions.

Ugh, so frustrating. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became. I mean really, I had friends, I had goals. I had a five year plan that was going to set me up for life. Well there's two years left in that plan (that I haven't started yet), and I'm afraid I may not be able to pull it off. What had happened to me? Was I that far gone? And how in the world had I fallen so far for HIM? Rolling my eyes, smacking my lips, I jumped up off the sofa and ran to grab my laptop. I WILL NOT BE STUCK! So, sure I had a five year plan that I didn't start three years ago. I am going to start it now. It'll be a two year plan that will have me set up comfortably for at least 20  years. Can I pull that off? Oh I'm going to.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I see that. I realized that while I had wasted three years, there was no point in dwelling in the hurt of the situation which I could not change. Someone once told me the best way to get over someone or something, is to get even. Well I'm over him and the whole shebang, but I do like the sound of getting even. Oh imagine the jaw drop when I'm exactly where I wanna (the very place he tried to keep me from). I'm getting there. I have people around me that care about me and I'm working on my dreams. I feel good.